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| Have I mentioned that it's BEAUTIFUL here?? |
Day 21: Thursday, August 30
My day started off with the janitor teasing me about my phone bill - suggesting that ‘my boyfriend must be calling me every night to tell me he misses me.' He’s such a funny guy, calling me Lucy and always making comments about my supposed boyfriend.
We read a butterfly book during read-aloud time and my students know all about butterflies from grade one; it amazes me what they are able to remember! At this point, I still didn’t know where my kids were at from an academic standpoint, so much of our days were spent figuring each other out. I randomly had them count for me at the carpet and in unison, they counted to 100! I was impressed to hear that. Some of them didn’t bother joining in, of course - but many of them are capable. As soon as they got to 100, most stopped and one little boy proudly said “101.” It was cute.
We were talking about something fairly important when one girl randomly interrupted our discussion to tell a story about how someone killed her cat. These children are HILARIOUSLY random at the best of times.
I always appreciate the questions they ask, “Who’s your mom and dad?” (out of nowhere) so I showed them a picture I have of my parents and I from Grade 12 graduation. Or, the classic Micaela questions: “What did Micaela look like when she was a little girl?” One of my students asked to take home some math practice! :O Keener! One of the boys wanted three extra copies of the math worksheet to take home - he seemed so proud of himself, he gave me one of the copies and I put it on my bulletin board! This same boy was helping to pick up garbage at recess and helping me hand things out in class, I was very grateful for his attitude (it’s not always this way....) Most of my students seem eager to read and during independent reading time, they often ask to read with me. Two students said “I LOVE YOU” and hugged me as they headed out the door for lunch! It’s taken us a week to grow in our love for each other...these things take time. I had been coming home during the lunch break (as most teachers do) but today I packed my lunch, I feel much less anxious when I just stay at school all day...but then I had to rush home at lunch to grab a sweater, starting to feel a bit chilly around here.
I realized today that I’m not very effective at getting my point through to my kids...not yet, anyway...I had to keep them in and they missed part of their recess today. Unfortunately, and I’m ashamed to admit it (because I was HEAVILY warned against teaching this way) - but I think I was a bit too easy/too nice/too pushover-able at the beginning...and now I’m trying to come down on them and it’s EXHAUSTING. This is so new for me and I was warned before entering this profession - you have to be FIRM. You can be fun and fair - yet still firm. It’s probably the trickiest balance to find. It is SO hard to be firm!
I wouldn’t ever want to say that an entire day was “bad” because of something so small...but I really don’t think today went very well. Not only did I keep the kids in to miss part of their recess (I can’t remember why now...but I have it written down that I kept them in for the first time...probably because they were interrupting/not listening when I was talking.) Today I raised my voice. A lot. My voice even cracked! I’m not proud of that. Can I be content in this circumstance? In Christ, I can be.
I went outside after keeping my kids in, I had tears burning in my eyes, I was trying HARD to hold them back...I felt bad for keeping them in but I also felt defeated - this in combination with likely being exhausted (adrenaline was starting to wear off?) Anyway...I felt mean, bottom line. But, children - in their forgiving ways, they went outside, played...happy as ever. One even gave me a flower! Another student held a dandelion in my face and instructed me to make a wish! They held my hand, they wanted me to watch them on the jungle gym...one of my boys (the one who often takes off from the classroom) he wanted me to push him on the swing...the joy on that boy’s face when he exclaimed “you gave me an underdog” - that joy melted me! He smiled and had FUN...my students were free. Wow, playing outside is HUGELY significant for children - fresh air, new perspective...it was good for me, too. [Note to self: having a bad day? go outside to cool off - everyone benefits.] I started to tear up with relief and happiness when I realized that my students can handle firm, they can handle discipline...it’s good for them. My parents often remind me that they love me, they’ve always loved me - but they had to be firm, too...I didn’t get spankings for nothing!
I’m having such a hard time finding the balance between freedom to live and learn....and boundaries to guide the learning. I’m sure this is something that EVERY teacher faces - but I’m feeling clueless in the midst of it. Trial and error. Trial and error. Trial and error. It’s exhausting BUT, I have a loving heavenly Father to guide me. Thankfully.
Wow, I still can’t believe I’m teaching.
Pathetic confession / funny teacher moment: today I had tears brimming in my eyes when I read a story about two moose getting married. What a sap. It was just one of those days!
One of my students did not come in after recess...hmm. It was a different boy than the first runaway and this one concerned me more - because the kids said he’d never done that before. Oh my. Dear Lord, find this child. The kids said he was hiding somewhere...I checked outside but couldn’t leave my class so I sent a note to the office. The school counselor called home but no one answered...after school, she drove to find him and I kept calling, looked outside...I had a strange peace (thank you Jesus) and I wasn’t feeling frantic...I was just feeling VERY defeated and a little overwhelmed.
The janitor came into my room after the crazy day and reminded me that “you learn the hard way.” I still wasn’t sure where my student was...but the other teachers/admin that I spoke with didn’t seem worried at all...they reassured me that it’s typical for this to happen with students. I finally learned that the dad had gone to Beauval and could have picked him up on the way? It’s possible that I just didn’t notice a parent coming onto the playground to take his son? I was doubtful. I eventually learned that he had left school and walked to the Northern store - his parents passed by the store, saw him there and picked him up - that was it! They figured it must have been an early dismissal...my student’s explanation the next day was: “I was tired.” Hmm...wish I could just leave every time I feel tired, too! :)
I actually broke a bit at the end of this day - there we go - you’ve probably all been waiting to read about my first real breakdown as a new teacher: I think it happened on this day. My beautiful grade 1 mentor teacher across the hall gave me a hug.
GOOD NEWS: (I’ve failed to mention this in my blog so far, but I am incredibly blessed to have a sweet sister-friend from my University days come and join me in Patuanak!) I found out in July that she was officially planning to come and it’s on THIS day that she arrived! I have written down in my blog-diary on this day: “So thankful Kathleen is coming today. I’m REALLY ready to see her. She came on my worst day!” I was sitting at the school waiting for she and her dad to arrive - I had put a sign on my car directing her to my classroom.
* Kathleen arrives *
KATHLEEN IS HERE! It feels like a complete turn around in comfort, peace, AHH - it’s SO nice to have a Christian friend to live with! She and her dad came to the school between 6:30 and 7. It was almost as if I forgot about the rough day! I learned from it and moved on. It was now time to get settled with Kathleen! She brought a HUGE truck and car load full of groceries and beautiful house accessories! The house instantly felt more like home and she was such a welcome addition! Kathleen and I are both incredibly blessed with awesome parental support - her dad drove up here with her and helped her move in. She dove right into cooking and made us all a nice pasta dish. I felt incredibly spoiled and unbelievably blessed.
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| meeting King, her favourite dog! |
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| hardcore chef lady |
Kathleen is a much more eloquent writer than I - and she also posts updates as a blogger, feel free to follow her at: http://asthepelicanflies.blogspot.com/ ... She will offer great insight into our Patuanak life - and rather than blogging about boring day-to-day teacher details, she actually writes descriptively about the community and our cultural experiences, too.
I’ve ‘plagiarized’ and included an excerpt from her first post, to explain a bit of the background story in her decision to move up here...it’s very neat to re-read about how God has directed us here (we think):
It started in 2008 when I met Marsena and we started talking about how we wanted to someday live and work on a northern reserve. The thought of living in a place that embraced traditional ways of trapping, dog sledding and canoeing seemed incredible. But what really drove us to head north were hearts that wanted to see those lives rescued from brokenness and made new by the truth of Jesus. So we prayed that if God would have us go to the north that He would make it clear to us when it was the right time.
I didn't think that 'right time' would ever manifest itself in my life. It was the start of 2011--I was going to graduate, Mars still had a year of teachers' college ahead of her. We still talked about going up north, but we both knew it wasn't likely that in another year it would work out for us to go. I was working full-time doing respite care for families with special needs, loving my job yet knowing that life could take me anywhere at all. But it didn't. I stayed in North Bay for the year and made plans to go to school for massage therapy the next fall.
....................... (checkout her blog for more, it’s SUPER interesting!)
Now it was the last half of June. Marsena was finishing her additional qualifications for teaching in North Bay when it blew upon facebook that she'd gotten a job. I was excited for her.. Really excited.. Thenn mostly excited.. turns out it was a teaching job on a reserve in Northern Saskatchewan. Ungh.
I had my moment of "ew, Saskatchewan" then messaged her to say I was coming. And that was it. Suddenly the dream of two 19-year-olds that seemed like it would never materialize... DID!
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| First meal together in our new home! |
(So I think it goes without saying...I’m often in AWE of how God has given me this job, this new community and now a roommate. As much as I thought “I could live alone” - and by God’s grace, I COULD...I’d MUCH rather share this adventure with someone and I feel super thankful to have Kathleen here with me! I enjoyed the first 2 ish weeks of settling / experiencing living alone, embracing A LOT of new things, setting up the house, phone, internet, etc...but it is SO MUCH BETTER to come home and have a close friend to fellowship with. She moved up here without a full-time job and she sacrificed a lot to come here. She has a new niece back at home and her sister is getting married in November - a lot of reason to NOT move halfway across the country - and yet, I believe she responded to God’s call and now that it’s actually October 7th as I’m writing this - His purposes for her here are becoming clearer everyday!)
Kathleen’s first weekend in Patuanak was a sweet one. It was a long weekend and we really enjoyed exploring our surroundings as well as taking some time to relax in our new home! It was exciting to sleep in until 9am and we had porridge together before going out to pick blueberries! We still had some unpacking/organizing to do in the house so we rearranged our living room to setup an “office area.” Kathleen brought a mirror for our bathroom - that’s pretty handy! She also brought a shower curtain and some rugs. Yes, I went without these things for a couple of weeks...and I really didn’t care, but it was SO nice to have these extra little home comforts once Kathleen got up here. Moving in, I really wasn’t sure what to expect.
Sunday started off with blueberry pancakes and a chilly walk to the river. We were both amazed by the BIRDS that God placed in our view...like, WOW! Seagulls, ducks, swallows, Pelicans, Grey Heron and an EAGLE! The glory of God was UNDENIABLE at that moment. I don’t even ‘love’ birds...like, sometimes they freak me out...but I was QUICKLY learning to love them. It was just a sweet moment of God showing us His creation, so clearly...I was reminded that He’s taking care of us, just like He’s caring for those birds! We had some sweet prayer time and watched a sermon later on...really strange, having our own little fellowship/church time, rather than meeting with the gang at Greenwood...(MISS YOU ALL!) But, the cool part is - God’s still JUST as present up here in Patuanak as He is there in North Bay.
